I am restless, until I rest in You

Restless.

This one word can easily describe how I've felt the past year or so.

I guess after college there came about a certain pressure to "fit in" somewhere or "be" at a certain place in life (and maybe I put that pressure on myself) but I never felt like I did. I still don't. I spent a long time lamenting this fact. Lamenting the fact that I am not married. Lamenting the fact that I don't have children. Yet, all my friends do. I felt left out. I felt like all my friends connected so much better with each other because they were moms and wives and shared the same struggles. I felt like I was standing still while everyone else sped on by me, going on with their lives.

And here I am. Still standing there, wondering what's next. When will it be my turn?

Yet lately my thought processes have changed while my circumstances haven't. I've been thinking that all those things are not the end-all be-all of existence. I have a job, family and friends that I love and love me, yet I can't help thinking "Is this it?" The more I've questioned and pleaded with God to tell me "why", the more He's revealing to me that maybe my circumstances haven't changed because I'm meant to do something...here.

Now.
Where. I. Am.

Perhaps I'm not tied down because I'm supposed to go do something that requires my freedom. Who am I to ask "why?" when I should be asking "where?" and "what?". This restlessness inside of me could simply be the life I'm supposed to live trying to get out, but I've been too busy lamenting the fact that I'm not living someone else's.

Instead of asking "When is it my turn?" I've decided that maybe I'm in the wrong line altogether. I need to follow His plans, because they are infinitely better than mine can ever hope to be. They are also scary as hell, but I can't let fear keep me from living my life. God doesn't stir up our souls for us to sit idly by and let others do the work.

So now as I consider and pray about what is the next step in my life, I ask that you would pray also. Pray for clarity, and for God to satisfy this restlessness that I have for something bigger than myself.