Ink'd

So I don't blog very much. Mostly because I don't use eloquent prose and I don't have a "way with words" that make people ooh and ahhh over my writing. That's ok. I'm more of a sketch artist anyways. ;-)

But sometimes there are things I just want to share, that I need to share, regardless of what others might think.

This originally started as a blog about community and why I love where I live and why I feel it's not so bad to drive an hour to work every day, and I threw a bit in about why I'm getting my tattoo tomorrow. Then I found there was so much actually behind the tattoo, that it deserved a blog all it's own. So here goes.

The verse my tattoo is based on is this:

Then He who sat on the throne said, 
“Behold, I make all things new.” 
And He said to me,^[a] 
“Write, for these words are true and faithful.”
Revelation 21:5


First of all the thing that gripped me was that He is making all things new. I know for a fact I need to be made new every day, and I know that in this broken and fallen world the thought of all of the pain and hurt and ugliness being made new fills me with incredible joy and love for my God.

And most of all He made me new.
 Me? Really?
Me.
Broken, lost, sinner. 
He didn't just cover up the ugly parts.
He made me into a completely new creature.

Why?

Love.
Mercy.
Grace.

New. You have to know where you've been, and you have to see how far He's carried you to really feel the weight of that word.


When I was a teenager I felt really lost. I don't think I realized how much at the time, but looking back I didn't know what I was doing with myself. I was very unhappy with who I was, I was angry at my parents, at God, and just didn't see a point in anything. I hung out with people who weren't the best influences and did things I shouldn't have. I searched for happiness and validation in the stupidest things. I was so ready to get out on my own and have my "independence". When I finally moved to Milledgeville my junior year of college, that chance finally came. With my new found freedom I found myself finding more things to get lost in, more reasons to be unhappy, and even more shallow things with which to validate myself.

What I didn't know was that God was orchestrating a wonderful sequence of events that at the time seemed unrelated until I was able to look back and see His fingerprints all over them. Things that led me to Jesus, to wanting to know Him more. To finally realizing that the freedom I desired all along actually came in giving up all my rights to my life completely.

With seeking came finding. With finding came knowing. With knowing came loving.
My desires began to change. My priorities shifted. Things I used to think were important, seemed trivial. My eyes opened up to the world outside of myself. I saw that there's a story that's bigger than just me, MUCH bigger, but He has allowed me to be a part of it. I don't have to follow a list of rules, but I want to do what He wants. His priorities are mine.

It's difficult to understand why He would use me, when I'm so messed up and broken. And the truth of it is that I AM still broken and still messed up. I still deal with most of the same insecurities and issues, but the difference now is I don't do it alone, and I don't stay there. He won't let me. I'm not the person I was before. Every day I'm becoming more new. Not because of me, but because of Jesus. Every great thing I've done or said or thought or imagined has been because of His love, mercy and grace.

To know that I'm not just recycled but actually new is the reason I want the reminder of Revelation 21:5 on me as long as I live.