What's next?

I've been thinking a lot lately about what's next. What's the next step in life that will inevitably take me to where I'm supposed to be? Right now it feels like I'm not really going anywhere, like I'm standing still watching everyone else go by in rapid motion. I've been dwelling on this for some time now, waiting and wishing for something to happen. Well that doesn't really work. I need to be actively seeking God's vision for my life but sometimes things get in the way of me seeing that clearly. God has been revealing these things to me lately, struggles and patterns of disobedience that take my eyes off of Him.

The first thing I struggle with is comparison. I saw a quote recently that said comparison is the thief of joy. I can't tell you how true this had been for me, always comparing myself to everyone around me. Always wanting to please people, wanting them to like me. Wanting to be noticed. Many thoughts run through my mind at any given time.

"She's getting married, why not me?"
"They're doing so much for God, I'm probably not doing anything helpful"
"They're so talented, why would anyone want to use me?"
"They always say the right thing and I'm always just...talking."
"That person is definitely more like able than me."

I know, I KNOW these thoughts are satan's way of keeping my eyes on myself and not on Christ, but it's hard to overcome lies you've believed for so long. Old habits die hard. My worth is not in how I think I measure up to others, but it is solely found in Christ. My head knows this. I'm hoping my heart will soon learn it also.

Another thing He has shown me is that I'm not seeking Him in the present things. The right now. I'm so concerned about where I'm going I've completely lost focus on what He has for me right now. Who I'm becoming now is vital to where I am headed. Tonight only reaffirmed this, that I need to seek Him first and then everything else will fall into place. If I can't be faithful with what I've been given now, how can I be trusted with anything in the future?

Finally I need to willing to go wherever He takes me. The problem with wanting change is that things have to change. I have to keep asking myself if I am willing to be obedient to whatever is next, even if that means being uncomfortable and leaving everything familiar. I do know that I have been called to more than this, more than a life of safety and comfort, of always knowing what's going to happen, of having everything written neatly on a calendar or list.

I have mostly been afraid to ask the question "What's next?" because maybe I'm afraid of what the answer will be. But doing anything less is disobedient. Doing anything less is resigning myself to a life of mediocrity.

I have been called to a life that is anything but mediocre. I serve a God that is magnificent and extraordinary, that can do immeasurably more than all I ask or imagine. All He asks is that I faithfully follow wherever He leads.