2010

The year is coming to an end, and I'm doing what probably most people do in December: reflect on the past 12 months. For me, this has been both a great and trying year. At the beginning of this year I made the decision to leave my current teaching job for various reasons. I knew that it wasn't the job for me and that God had something better out there for me. Since I firmly believe that nothing is an accident, and that God has His hand in everything I do, I know my first year of teaching was not wasted at all. I learned a lot and met a lot of great people. While it was frustrating and maddening at times, I wouldn't trade the experience for anything.

It was an old decrepit building, the roof was leaky and there were bugs, but it was my classroom and that's all that mattered. :-)
I got to spend time with family and friends a lot this year, which I am thankful for.
In June I got to go on a CRUISE which was AWESOME!!
I got to go out  on the open ocean for five days with friends and just forget about stuff for a while. I also got to visit Jamaica and the Cayman Islands which was an experience in itself. So glad I did that.

The cruise was fun and I really hope to do another someday soon. I still can't get over how these huge things float...??
This summer I had the opportunity to go to a camp in Michigan with my church and work with the youth there. It was one of the best experiences I've had to date. It was something I'd never thought I'd do, and it stretched me in my faith like I'd never had been before. I also got to meet and get to know some amazing people through this process, as well as strengthen new friendships. Also, since I love to travel, it was great to go to a new place. Northern Michigan is beautiful and I enjoyed every minute. It's amazing to see God working so powerfully in a rural county in Northern MI.

Amidst the great experiences, I also had to experience the disappointment of not finding a job at the beginning of the school year like I had hoped. I had to instead go back to my job at Publix so I could pay the bills. While I am extremely blessed to have that waiting for me, it has been a difficult few months financially trying to pay the bills and make it from paycheck to paycheck, but God has proven faithful through all of it, constantly being my Provider. While all my bills didn't always get paid, I always had enough to eat and a place to live. I have definitely learned through this time to trust in my God as my provider, and not my paycheck.

And now at the year's end, I have the opportunity of a new job and experience after the Christmas holidays and couldn't be more excited about the new year and what's to come. 2010 has been interesting, I'm looking for 2011 to ROCK!

2011

This is not something I normally do (blog, or make lists of goals/dreams etc) but nothing wrong with mixing things up a little. I've jotted down some things I'd like to work on/do/try to do within the year 2011. This is really the first time I've come up with an entire list, so here it is in no particular order:

1. Read through the Bible again exclusively using The Message.
2. Live and work only  to please God and not worry about what people think. I guess this is my "theme" for the year stemming from several Bible verses and conversations with God.
3. Believe in myself enough to go for the things I want.
4. Be happily teaching SOMEWHERE.
5. Get my finances back in order and make smarter financial decisions. Be more thankful for what I do have and more generous with what I've been given.
6. Pay off ONE of my debts. At least.
7. Deepen old and new friendships.
8. Allow myself to become more transparent and not hold everything in.
9. Be increasingly able to find JOY in the small things and the big things.
10. Acquire a roommate (I hate living alone!). I'm an extrovert for crying out loud!
11. Get a phone that doesn't look like it barely survived a nuclear war.
12. Exercise regularly. Run.
13. Eat more fruit.
14. Learn how to cook better and do more of it.
15. Go on another roadtrip (preferrably to Montana or out west). They do my heart a whole world of good.
16. Care more about others, become increasingly less self-centered.
17. Read a bunch of books.
18. Blog at times
19. Treat myself to shopping once in a while. It's good for a girl's soul.
20. Devote more time to drawing/painting etc.
21. Print some pictures!! It's been a year and a half since NYC/DC/Boston. Still no prints.
I'm sure more will come up somewhere but I think I have enough to work on for now.

My oh my.

So I've recently acquired Netflix on my Wii in lieu of cable that I cannot afford. I absolutely love it, and I get to watch all the movies I want. Lately I've been watching a lot of documentaries, mostly on Christian-based subjects. I am always curious to see and hear how others view Christians and what other Christians are doing in the country and around the world.

I watched one last night that absolutely broke my heart. I'm sure most people have heard of the Westboro Baptist Church in Topeka, KS. If you haven't, I'm sure you've heard of some of the things they have said and done out on the streets. Basically, they believe our nation is doomed because of homosexuality and that God's wrath is the Iraq war and natural disasters, etc. They actually believe that our soldiers are dying because they are fighting for what they call a "fag nation". They also believe that God sent the shooters in such tragedies like Columbine, Virginia Tech and other mass killings to somehow show the people that God is pouring out his wrath on them...what??!

They take horrible signs out to certain places and shout out that God hates them and they are all going to hell. They carry signs such as "Thank God for dead soldiers". I think the craziest thing one of the picketers said was "Remember when someone bombed our church (westboro)? Well God is avenging them by using IED's in Iraq". What bothers me the most is that they have the nerve to do these pickets right outside soldiers' funerals.

Now I know these people are not representing the true Gospel, even though they twist words from the Bible and practically fail to use any of the New Testament in their arguments. It just really bothers me that they are out there displaying such amounts of hatred when they could be instead using their influences to love and share Christ. I knew there were hate groups out there, but I guess I've never had such an in-depth look at it. Their whole philosophy is so twisted and can be easily refuted by Scripture. I can sum it up in my favorite verse:

"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord".
Romans 8:38-39

Our God is a God of love, and while He is just, He loves His children and is jealous for our love.

I don't know why I felt like I needed to blog about this, but it just bothered me so much that people truly are that hateful towards one another. I just hope when people see such displays it only encourages them to love more, like it does for me.

Hiatus.

God has been speaking to me a lot this week. I just finished reading the book of Judges and the recurring theme of the book screamed at me. The Israelites had just been rescued over and over by God and been shown firsthand His love and mercy. Every so many years the Israelites seemed to have a memory lapse and began doing their own thing, worshipping idols and doing things they shouldn't do, etc. Then when their sin had taken them down the inevitable road of destruction, the only thing they could do was cry out to the God they had turned their backs on. God, being the loving God that He is, saved them from themselves and delivered them from whatever trouble they had gotten themselves into. As I was reading I was thinking,
"well now they'll straighten up and listen, since they see what turning away from God does"..but no, a little while down the road, it happens again. Over and over and over and over they keep repeating the same cycle. And over and over God rescues them. Not only does God rescue them, He always used an ordinary person to deliver them.

I know that many of us, especially me, find myself in this same cycle. Most of us come to Christ because we realize that we are broken individuals and we simply cannot make it on our own. We need Him to have purpose in this life and so we that can live in the next. We are so good at making a mess of our lives when we follow our own rules. We cry out to Him and He helps us through to the other side. He's always there, sometimes it just takes a little breaking down to realize His presence. Sometimes we need it everyday.

I don't think the Israelites just woke up one day and said "I think we will forget about the God who saved us and turn to these idols". It was over a period of time and generations, but I think the main thing that happened was they began to compromise. Small compromises here and there that lead to a giant snowball effect and then you have bad stuff going on everywhere..the sin made them weak and vulnerable. Self-destructive as well as vulnerable to other nations because God was no longer with them. They couldn't defeat their enemies. So what happened? They cry out to God yet again. Then there's peace. Crazy but the way we tend to be most of the time.

Here's to breaking the cycle and always giving worship and praise to the One who more than deserves it.

The first blog ever! From me, anyways.

So basically I left my phone at home today and it somehow made me want to create a blog. I'm not really sure yet how those two things are related...maybe boredom? Actually, this blog has been created for quite some time, I just have never written anything until now.

Topic of the day: My job. ahem. Career.

In case you were wondering (and I know you were), what I do for a living, I teach special education. Still not entirely sure how I got here or what the heck I'm doing, but I am pretty sure that God has put me here for a purpose much bigger than myself and since He knows, well, everything, I'll just accept that and go with it because He knows what He's doing. I really do love special education, there is so much more to it than people realize, than I realized before I started in it myself.

I teach high school severe/profound students, which means they are in the lowest cognitive and adaptive functioning ranges. It is definitely not what I set out to do in this field, and this year was really my first exposure to this nature of disabilities, but it certainly has it's high points and low points. I can't deny that it is a learning experience. I truly feel like I'm learning on the job. I complain about my job way more than I should, because it's really not that bad. I should not complain at all, but express gratitude that I have a job at all..so I'm working on the whole complaining thing. :-/

One thing I have learned about people and children from this job is that EVERY life is valuable. I have always thought this personally, but working here has reinforced this over and over. I'm not going to debate the topic of abortion. I am completely against it, and believe in the value of every single person and that if God didn't want someone to be born, he wouldn't have taken the time to create them..but anyways, I have students that are challenging and some that don't really "do" much, meaning they can't really interact like other children, see, or walk...but I have realized just how different and individual these children are. I have learned their personalities, what they like, what they don't like, how they do communicate, etc. The more I get to know my students, the less I see "student with disabilites" and the more I see a child. They are just a little different.

I guess the reason I chose to discuss my job was because it is where I spend most of my time both physically when I'm here, and mentally when I'm thinking or stressing about it elswhere. Also, and I probably shouldn't admit this, but I'm at work right now, and so my surroundings are kind of inspiring me...but I think I feel my inspiration ebbing...and I should probably do some real work. I am probably the worst procrastinator on the planet...it is quite debilitating actually. I'm waiting for some drug to come out with a cure...but then I would probably say I'd buy it and never would.......scatterbrained am I.